just now as i was cleaning up my room, i bend down to retreive something on the floor. i heard a crack and i felt pain in my lower back, around the hips area. suddenly i felt really really afraid.. wild thoughts ran thru my head, "what am i paralysed waist down?" "will i become bedridden?"

it seems another old medical condition of mine is coming back, someone once said that im a spoilt machinery. sometimes i think im like so young and already having so many problems! 20 years down the road, i really dun dare to think how "spoilt" i'll be. more questions (the usual) ran through me.. what if i become a liability to my family... what if i cannot have my own family.. & many other thoughts..

i sticked on some salonpas just now, pray that it'll get better tomo. seems to me that God is using this to remind me once again that I am dependant on Him and not myself.

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this question has been on my mind for a while, i've been wanting to ask you why me?