sometimes i wonder whether i am that shallow christian who's roots are not rooted deep enough. i get enthsiastic abt the ministry and i fizzle out when the persecution/opposition gets too heated, just like how the rocks get heated up in the sun and it killed the seedling.

i didn't sleep well last night, woke up 3ish, 5ish.. grr. ended up feeling rather crappy today. was surprised tho today i didn't snap @ certain pple even when she spoke rather rudely to someone. maybe i was too tired lol. but i hope it's cos im mellowing! & i don't snap so easily. let's pray that it is. May God help me.

edit: actually no need to be so secretive lol. i didn't snap @ pauline even when she spoke rather rudely & was being bossy to si en.

I ask myself who amongst my friends do I value? & whether they value me in return. I often find myself alone when I'm struggling with issues. Some too young (to a young friend who's name starts with an S - i do regard you as a good friend, even tho our ages are like lightyears apart. i know sometimes you don't feel comfy in telling me your problems/issues but anyway im always a call and a listening ear away. you've been schweet~).. Some may not know my issue as well.. Some are only close in name or relation.. Some I may not know how to treasure yet & I'm afraid I'll lose them. Sometimes, the friends that I would turn to, may not be friends from church but... isn't church friends those that last you your lifetime and beyond. As Buzz Lightyear from Toy Story would say, Till eternity and beyond! *lol. I wish my dear non-Christian friends will one day come to know my personal Savior too.

in another month or so, im suppose to be wiser, grow more white hair. honestly, ive no goal nor ambition but just wish to lead a simple life and to glorify God in whatever I do. As I look back on life, I still dunno why God places certain things/happenings in my life, i know one phase due to my wilful, sinful self. Like, I wonder how it would be like if I've taken higher chinese and remained in the best class for the whole of secondary school life. I may not have met my fun-loving friends whom I hung ard too much and caused my grades to deterioate. Then I may not have gone to poly and had loads of fun there & the highlight of being awarded the SECOND accolade I ever received in my school life. So on and so for.. alot la. Well, all in God's plan. This is thoughtful post, think I have more in my head but can't articulate and I'm tired le. Nitey.