im very much looking forward to the end of studies by the end of the year. After this, i will have to make a few very important decisions. One is the decision of a job switch and the other is my service in church.

i feel a lil jaded towards wad i can contribute to church. i dun even know where my burden lies.. isit the youths? isit the kids? i'm no longer sure, it's like i have no talents anymore. where is my strength? what am i good at doing? i guess this is the consequence of drifting away from God. i didn't have a gd night rest and i feel out of sorts. i tried to pray for God's peace and pray for him to remove all my insecurities but somehow it didn't work. Is God listening to me? He sustained me during the choir presentation today, I was feeling a lil wobbly but i made it through. back to the part on service, im a lil torn btwn sunbeam and yf.. I'm also a little skeptical cos when I served last year, i was really enthusiastic for the first half and later on cos i was caught in r/ship, i became quite distant and was not putting my best for God. Peers ard me also told me that they find that I lost my focus. I'm worried that the same will happen again. Afraid that something will hinder my service and knowing how emotional and sometimes, vulnerable i am, it will happen. Now, i feel as if life is just passing day by day w/o much purpose... so isit sunbeam or yf?

just talking to pple about a recent project that was graded and and i find the marking a lil strange lo. shan't talk too much on it so im contemplating whether to write to my lecturer...

been thinking alot about him, it's crazy lo.. it seems more nowadays and isnt time suppose to heal and make it better? pls go away...